Have you ever met someone and felt an immediate connection? Chances are, they were using simple psychological principles to build rapport—perhaps without even knowing it.
Building connections is a skill, not a mystery. If you want to improve your social interactions and become more likable, you don’t need to change who you are. Instead, you can use small, science-backed techniques rooted in human psychology.
These 20 simple tricks are easy to use in any social or professional setting to help you build instant rapport and win trust.
1. The Mirroring Effect (The “Chameleon Effect”)
What it is: Subtly mimicking another person’s body language, gestures, or facial expressions. Why it works: This is known as the “Chameleon Effect.” Research from New York University in 1999 found that this mimicry happens unconsciously and facilitates liking. It sends a subconscious signal that you are on the same wavelength.
2. The Mere-Exposure Effect
What it is: Spending more time around people. Why it works: Psychology shows that people tend to like things that are familiar to them. Studies, including a classic one at MIT, found that simple, repeated exposure increases positive feelings. The more people see you, the more familiar and likable you become.
3. Let Them Talk About Themselves
What it is: Ask open-ended questions and encourage people to share their stories. Why it works: Harvard researchers discovered that talking about oneself is inherently rewarding. It activates the same pleasure centers in the brain as food or money. When you let people talk about themselves, they associate that good feeling with you.
4. Active Listening
What it is: Truly focusing on what the other person is saying. Use nods, maintain eye contact, and summarize their points (e.g., “So, what you’re saying is…”). Why it works: Active listening makes the other person feel valued and heard. It shows genuine interest and builds a strong foundation of trust and respect.
5. Use Their Name
What it is: Saying a person’s name occasionally during conversation. Why it works: In his famous book How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie noted that a person’s name is “the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” Using it shows you see them as an individual and makes them feel recognized.
6. The “Pratfall Effect”
What it is: Don’t be afraid to show your flaws or make a small mistake. Why it works: According to research, people who are seen as competent but then make a small blunder (like spilling coffee) are seen as more likable. This “pratfall effect” makes you appear human and relatable, not intimidating.
7. Give Honest Compliments (About Others)
What it is: Complimenting people who aren’t present. Why it works: This triggers a phenomenon called “Spontaneous Trait Transference.” People will subconsciously associate the positive adjectives you use to describe others with your own personality. If you describe someone as genuine and kind, people will see you that way, too.
8. Give Sincere, Specific Appreciation
What it is: Giving people honest and specific praise. Why it works: People have a deep desire to feel important and appreciated. Vague flattery can seem insincere, but a specific, genuine compliment (e.g., “I was really impressed with how you handled that client’s question”) shows you truly value their efforts.
9. Emphasize Shared Values
What it is: Finding common ground, whether it’s a shared hobby, opinion, or background. Why it works: Classic social psychology studies by Theodore Newcomb found that we are most attracted to people who are similar to us. Highlighting a shared interest or value creates an instant “we” feeling and builds a fast bond.
10. Ask for Advice
What it is: Asking someone for their opinion or a small piece of advice. Why it works: This is known as the “Benjamin Franklin Effect.” When someone does you a favor (like giving advice), their brain justifies the action by deciding they must like you. It’s a subtle way to show you value their expertise and makes them feel good about themselves.
11. Reveal a Small Secret
What it is: Sharing a minor personal detail or vulnerability. Why it works: Strategic self-disclosure is a powerful relationship-building tool. It creates a feeling of closeness and trust. By sharing something personal, you signal that you trust them, which makes them more likely to trust and like you in return.
12. Display Positive Emotions
What it is: Showing genuine enthusiasm, optimism, and happiness. Why it works: Moods are contagious. Research on “Emotional Contagion” shows that people unconsciously feel the emotions of those around them. If you project positivity, people will feel happy in your presence and associate you with that positive energy.
13. Smile Genuinely
What it is: Offering a real, warm smile. Why it works: A genuine smile projects warmth and openness. It’s a universal signal of friendliness. A University of Wyoming study found that smiling, especially combined with open body language, made people seem more likable and approachable.
14. Act Like You Like Them
What it is: Go into an interaction assuming you already like the other person. Why it works: This is called “Reciprocity of Liking.” We tend to like people who we believe like us. When you treat someone with warmth and friendliness, they will naturally mirror that behavior and feel more warmly toward you.
15. The Power of a Light Touch
What it is: A brief, appropriate, and non-intrusive touch, like a light tap on the arm or shoulder. Why it works: Studies have found that this kind of “subliminal touching” can make people feel more warmly toward you. It’s a subtle way to create a human connection, but be sure to respect personal and cultural boundaries.
16. Be Both Warm and Competent
What it is: Balancing friendliness with capability. Why it works: According to research by Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy, people judge others on two main criteria: warmth (trust) and competence (respect). It’s crucial to demonstrate warmth first to build trust, before then establishing your competence.
17. Don’t Criticize or Complain
What it is: Avoiding negativity, criticism, and complaining. Why it works: People are drawn to positivity. Constant criticism puts others on the defensive and creates resentment. As Dale Carnegie advised, it’s far more effective to focus on positive reinforcement than to criticize.
18. Show a Sense of Humor
What it is: Being willing to laugh (especially at yourself) and share appropriate humor. Why it works: Research shows that having a good sense of humor is a highly valued trait in friends and partners. Sharing a laugh is one of the fastest ways to build a connection and relieve social tension.
19. Be Available (But Not Too Available)
What it is: Being present and reliable, but also having your own life. Why it works: This combines two principles. The Mere-Exposure Effect shows that being around helps build liking. However, psychology also shows that we value things that are somewhat scarce. Being a dependable friend who is also busy and passionate about their own life creates an attractive balance.
20. Show You Can Keep a Secret
What it is: Demonstrating trustworthiness and reliability. Why it works: While sharing secrets builds bonds, the ability to keep them is even more critical. Research shows that trustworthiness is one of the most vital components of a successful relationship. People will like and trust you more when they know you are dependable and discreet.
Final Thoughts
You don’t need to master all 20 of these tricks at once. Start by picking one or two that feel natural to you, like practicing active listening or using people’s names. By focusing on making others feel valued, heard, and comfortable, you’ll naturally become a more likable and influential person.
